What a great blog, is it mine?

WOW!   What kind of question is that to ask  when leaving a comment for someone?  Wow, what a great blog, is it yours?  No I rent it from Rent a Blog!  I am guessing tonight wasn’t the night to log into the blog huh?  Is it my blog.  Good heavens I mean seriously if the person took the time to R-E-A-D a few posts, you see it is a journal and personal, its not for a company like Kraft or something you know?  I mean seriously?

I had a really crappy day, and a mini break down today!  How do you explain to a soon to be 20 year old how you feel without them throwing the “guilt” card at you and you, yourself are just expressing how it is, NOT trying to make them feel guilty?  Honestly I think its impossible.  Sometimes I wonder if my family really does know the answer to this question, WHO AM I?

I had to take a Xanax today.  I had no choice.  I am taking a second one at bedtime with my Topamax and praying for a good night of sleep!  We had planned on going to the flea market tomorrow but we can’t go, naturally my daughter who was originally scheduled OFF tomorrow night, has to work the morning shift and well let’s not go there right now.  I had hoped to go to Legacy Village and that is a bit of a drive for us, but it is like a mini village but of shops.  With the Fall temps and just the right about of sunshine, this would of been perfect weather to go and walk around.  I wasn’t looking to go spend money, just some time O-U-T!   Today some Jazz musicians were going to be there and that would of been so much fun!  There is this huge bookstore and a Cheesecake Factory I would of loved to just walk around and sniffed in, okay maybe bought a piece of cheesecake for a little treat, but just a simple day away.

I guess that is just me being selfish after all, I mean my dad has a car and comes and go each day, I take care of everything, do all the cooking, majority of the cleaning (kids have a few chores and they wash their own clothes), no car during the day for me to just hop and go.  My escape is my world online!  Literally, it is!  You all have NO idea!  My daughter works, we and my father are her transportation, dad will drop off during week because sometimes hubby is still at work and I am cooking dinner (hence one car and NO car to take her) and I pick her up, unless I am not feeling well then hubby does, then weekends my hubby gets up at 5:30am to take her and then its suppose to be 12:30pm she is done.  HA!  1, 1:30, today after 2:00.  Our weekend, shot!  Its the ONLY time I get out unless I am picking her up at work, or getting groceries or items needed for the house such as toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning products, etc.  Oh the occasional prescription that our lovely sucky insurance doesn’t cover!  Other than that, I am home bound.  So I cry.  I cry when I do my dad’s bills now and see he is blowing $165 a week on what exactly good flipping question seeing how I prepare his meals, except if he grabs a burger at lunch time out.  (psst its the GAS for his car I ain’t stupid).  My daughters friends can come pick her up, take her shopping, to eat, whatever it is they do (one day or two days a week), and yet no permit.  Well its her “GIRL TIME”.  I mean the other day she had lunch with a 48 year old woman.  Its NOT her that should be going to lunch with someone that close to my age, should be me, you know!  They come, they go.  I on the other hand am always HERE.

Hubby stepped in today, taking her in ONE week (due to her work schedule) for her permit.  Also his cousin has a mini van for sale, now we have to see if we can get our neighbor to go with him, they are only asking $350 for it.  They say it needs a timing belt.  Body and interior in great shape.  It’s possible it could be a good “starter” vehicle for her.  But it could need say a few hundred or so dollars of work and our neighbor does this kind of thing and she could just slowly pay that and maybe by the time she has her license and such you know??  I don’t know.  I guess time will tell on that one.   LORD knows if I had the money I be buying that sucker for me!  Seriously!  I am at a point I will drive like Fred Flintstone!