Was a late night and not comfortable!

Ever wish that sometimes you could split yourself in half? This is one of those moments I wish I could.  This is sort of a long situation but going to try to summarize to the best of my ability.  My SIL came over last night and was here until 12:30am.  Why?  To talk about my MIL.  She is 80, currently living alone, in a house that my hubby’s brother bought for her to live in and she lives two hours away. (but close to him).  Since losing her second husband a year ago come may she has been battling some issues.  Depression one of them.  But she is showing signs of Dementia,  and is getting to a point where she really should be living alone.  She either takes too much or not enough of her meds.  There is just many things just not right. She tells her doctor one thing and the doctor is then short with hubby’s brother and sister when they go with her now because its not what she says it is or has been.  But my MIL wanted to go into a nursing home and my SIL said no, she views as a sign of MIL giving up.  We don’t see it that way.  We see it as she knows things aren’t right and needs help and can’t be alone.  So as she brought us up to speed on the behaviors my SIL is “waiting” for a doctor to say “your mom can’t live alone” anymore before taking the step in “moving her in” with them.  Now I am not at all comfortable with this because of a few things.

Now she has been staying off and on with my MIL and when we go down or she has been up to visit and she brings her here my MIL would say or ask her something, and my SIL “snaps” a reaction but doesn’t “hear” herself doing it.  She will take MIL off meds before discussing with the doctor.  For example lets say she has Dementia and they give her medication and she improves, my SIL would then say well she is better, then stop the medication, you can’t do that!  She has done that with the depression medication.   Then she told us last night she said that she finds her “limit” is two weeks, then she needs a break!  Okay, then what is she going to do when she moves her in then if she can only stay with MIL now and says her “limit” is two weeks?  I totally understand and relate, its a hard position being a caregiver.  But when her second husband past away provisions where left for my MIL, insurance all taken care off until she passes away (medical) and other provisions so she could be taken care off, because he knew/seen signs of what was coming.  If its an option available that is already “taken” care off, I don’t understand why not allow her to go into an assist living home?  My MIL said she wanted to do this and she is saying no??  What is going to happen if she moves her up here and she gets worse, wonders off in the middle of the night say?  What is she going to do then?

She flat out said last night and this made me cry, if you knew me you would understand why it made me cry.  That her brother, who owns the house his mom is living in now, he and his wife couldn’t be the ones to take care of her, no patience.  Their other brother lives in Florida and that isn’t an option as he said there isn’t much he can do.  She then said the only other one she trust to have patience to handle mom would be ME (yes me) but your already taken care of your dad so that’s out.  So I have to move mom in with me.

WHOA!  Back the cart up!  I had to fight the tears back here.  I have to tell you.  It will be 9 (NINE) years I been a caregiver taking care of my dad, when my dad passes away, its going to be very hard on me, and I told my hubby last night I mean no disrespect here, but there is NO way I can just jump in and take over at that point!  No way!   My dad doesn’t have provisions set up for him, I am it.

Hubby thinking/feeling?  I am really not sure, he was pretty quiet last night.