Two year waiting list!!

Yesterday afternoon I got a hold of my dads case worker who handles the SMQ program with Medicare expenses (his cost for having Medicare, based on his income being so low the state pays the premium costs so it doesn’t come out of his check, it took me two years of fighting with them to get this for him) and found out the housing list based on income for help, as a 24 month waiting list.  TWO YEARS.  Then she gives me this guilt trip that health wise a lot could happen to him during that two years and by the time his name would come up, he may not be at a point where he can live alone.  Wasn’t that just nice huh?  I am telling you stress to me is like taking one of those fat burner pills!  Nerves really play a part in weight gain or loss don’t they!  Food I can’t stand the thought of looking at it but force myself to eat what I can manage to eat.  Like I needed a guilt trip from HER.  I am down has his authorized representative.  I explained to her how he is acting, the lack of respect for myself, my family, my home, I don’t get a break.  They don’t even know the half of it.  I was careful how much I told her about him because the last thing I need is for them to show up here to want to evaluate him, you have no idea the hell that will create for me.  NONE.  You think I have stress now.  Ha!  I asked about a local caregiving support group, the closet one she recommended is in Cleveland and I am so not driving for 40 to 50 minutes to Cleveland in the evenings ALONE, not with all I hear on the news going on there.  No way!  There isn’t anything here closer I asked.  She told me no.  Wow.  I can’t believe we don’t have a one closer.   She suggested asking other family members to help out but I explained to her there isn’t anyone else to help.

When dad came home I attempted to have another talk with him but not sure how far I got.  I explained to him again how I feel.  With him its as if he has no feelings or lets them show unless he is bed bound in a hospital, then emotions are flowing and my heart is breaking for him.  That is the ONLY time.  My daughter when to the mall yesterday with a friend and she told me last night that he gave her the cold shoulder when he was sitting with what she called his posse.  Honestly when he started to hang out at the mall everyday is when he started to change when I look back.  At first I thought it was good for him, because he was getting to know others and make friends.  Now I am not so sure.  Is it the influence of cranky old men or does he tell the tales he tells my Aunt, and if that is the case oh I am sure he had a tale to tell yesterday when I got upset.

My two have to learn their place too.  I observed yesterday evening them bossing grandpa around and that isn’t cool either.  I know they mean well but there is a right and wrong way of being helpful and bossing him isn’t the way and that just makes things harder for me.  Hubby said maybe that is why is keeps doing certain things, maybe the “kids” are telling him grandpa use a plate all the time and in his mind he doesn’t have to listen to a “kid”.    No its not placing blame on my kids either. My hubby said to be he hates seeing what my dad is doing to me and now is blaming himself for even asking my dad to move in with us nine years ago.  Its not hubby’s fault either.  It just dad and somehow things have to change.  I am going to try and get to the library this weekend or even check out Half Priced Books for some books that might help me.   If anything maybe I can throw the book at him?  Ha Ha humor!