Its been years since I felt…

August 21, 2008

It has literally been years since I felt this depressed. I am so down right now it is not even funny! So many changes at once I think? Losing the girls is really taking a huge tole on me, more than I thought as I prepared myself knowing all summer it was my last summer with them. I don’t want to take on any new kids and why does everyone in my house think that is some how going to magically make missing the girls seem less? I’m sorry but I have been their NANNY all of their lives, so this is effecting them too.

My daughter just graduated and has her first job and the drama of this job is some days more than I can take. She will come home telling me how this one person walks all over her, treats her like crap, and even complains that she doesn’t drive, as if that some how is an inconvenience for her when its my dad or us doing the running. My daughter was stuck in the elevator during a power failure and she just isn’t ready to ride it again just yet although her supervisors and managers have gotten on it with her a few times to help her, but I guess because for now this other person has to be the one to ride the elevator up for supplies for the time being threw that in her face too, then turns around all nicey nice asking for her to cover a shift for her. NOT!! My daughter was going to do it and I had a fit and expressed how I felt not to mention she just can NOT commit to it unless she talks to her grandpa or us to make sure she has transportation, that is not fair to him you know? She told one of the managers about it and he even told her the same thing I did, don’t let this woman walk all over you. Tell her NO! I tell you what that woman doesn’t do a thing for my daughter. So its hard to sit back and listen to the drama and if I get upset my daughter gets pissy with me about it. Then don’t come home and tell me about it and expect me to NOT react.

She is never here for dinner anymore. Work I can understand that is her job that doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is how she words it when she is going to see her boyfriend for the day, she doesn’t want to hurt his moms feelings and not stay for dinner, she is counting on her. OH ok. Dude seriously needs to get his license. Not only are we giving her rides to work back and forth, but to her boyfriends and we been doing that for a year now.

I been telling her to study and get her permit for driving so she can get her license. I am telling you what if something ever happened to my dad she is screwed! I am not getting up at 4 to take her to work and coming back to take hubby to work at 5 then picking her up at 11 then picking up my hubby when he gets off work. No way! She needs to get her license so she can drive gramps car if he is sick or something. I got her the book to study not once has she looked at it. My dad will take her to take her test to get her permit anytime….but nothing! Winter will be setting in soon and that isn’t exactly the best conditions to learn how to drive you know?

I only get out on weekends ok. If she is running late at work I am stuck or hubby is waiting to pick her up and I have errands and such to do. I can’t make any plans, nothing. My dad makes his plans and goes and thats ok I don’t expect him to cancel, so why should I have too all the time? What do I get in return? Disrespect and a tone of voice that I could smack out of her.

I am not feeling well, I see the neurologist on the 29th, got hubby falling apart on me with his abnormal sense of smell, emailing me to do this, do that, go get me this, or that. I am just exhausted!!

I feel so overwhelmed right now it is not even funny. I am sad, crying, and very depressed and you think anyone at home can notice this?

Posted by Suzie Q | Filed Under Lifesavers

Comments

5 Responses to “Its been years since I felt…”

Lara on August 22nd, 2008 4:54 am

sending hugs your way! You may want to look into a hobbie just to take your mind off. Thinkin’ of you hun!
Bevvy on August 22nd, 2008 10:47 am

Im sorry to hear you are so down Susan. I can relate though, Im there myself, but I find that writing in my journal is helping and Im back to trying to work on some craft things, just so I can keep my mind busy. It helps me being at work too, no time to think as much.
I wish I could tell ya what to do. But these ideas might help a little.
Sendin some hugs your way.
Lisa Ann on August 22nd, 2008 9:36 pm

I’m sorry you are feeling so down. I understand depression all to well. I wish I could say something to make it all better. It will take time where the girls are concerned. It was hard for me when my niece started school. I had her from two months old so she was at my house five days a week for five years. Talk about change.

Why on earth doesn’t your daughter want her driver’s permit ? My niece can’t get her learners until February and she is counting the days.
Bobbie on August 23rd, 2008 6:23 pm

I am sorry you are feeling so down… Your entire household expects alot out of you! Some days I am amazed that you are able to sift through it and make it all work!! Hang in there!!
Karen on August 23rd, 2008 10:24 pm

awww sweetie I am so sorry you are down.I know how depression is as I have dealt with it so much on and off.Find you a hobby and try to relax,I know it’s easier said than done.I am here if you need me.Praying for you everyday
Love and Hugs
Karen