Had to step in and take a stand

I wish I can get back to more of the sweeter things in life instead of blogging what seems to be mostly sticky moments in my lollipop life!  I am definitely in the mist of a stick storm and for those visiting me thanks for riding it out with me.  My dad he is up and he is down.  Today I had to step in and take a stand for my son, over a travel coffee mug!  My dad came home yesterday and told my son that he wanted him to clean it and put it out in the porch area.  My husband said no!  He doesn’t want crap sitting out all the time, out there, or on the end of the cabinet with the television, if its clean put it away in the cupboard, he can get it out.  So my son put it away.  My dad was having a fit and came home today and just very rude manner that he told him where to put the cup.  So I had to step in and my dad gave me a glare so I took a stand and I said hubby said.  In all honestly I told him to stop and think about it, with spring approaching that bring bugs, ants and spiders into the porch area, did he really want to leave his cup sitting out there all night?  What is a spider crawled in it and then he drank from it and swallowed it and it was a type of spider that could make him sick.  Didn’t he think he had enough health issues?  Did he want ants in there too?  After thinking about it that way he stepped back.  Honestly.  How hard is it to get it out of the cupboard when its clean?

All these little picky picky things I just don’t have tolerance or patience for.  Not to be gross or nasty here but seriously can’t the man just flush the toilet twice after he goes?  We have one of toilets that uses under a gallon of water per flush and with DAD it just isn’t enough with ONE flush.  Oh no he just leaves it and walks away.  I am so sick and tired of either seeing, smelling or hearing about it and having to clean it up!  His habits are less than pleasing needless to say.  Also I can guarantee you against advisement of his doctors he is taking a form of laxative!  Trust me you can tell a difference!  I have looked every where in his room trying to find them too and hubby said to me maybe they are in his car!  He don’t care come hell or high water he will do what he wants.

The smarty ass comments (pardon my language), I am really at an all time low tolerance for.  Standing over my shoulder, if I happen to get a text message like from hubby today asking if I call and schedule a hair cut appointment for him, who is that from, what does it say?  DRIVES ME NUTS!!!

I already didn’t feel well today, always when I use a bleach cleaner, the day after I feel achy in my head (not typical headache or migraine) and just blah feeling.  But my counters were stained from coffee and tea and the Clorox wipes (lemon) didn’t get the stains off.

Parenting end of things, oh lets not even go there tonight!  Things with son GREAT, with daughter, well not so great!

I miss ME.  I miss just sitting enjoying my time on the computer, being able to leave my messenger all all day if I wanted and bounce back and forth and chat, I miss visiting every-ones blog daily!  I miss it.  So bear with me everyone I am just in the mist of a storm.

I don’t think we have a use for that here at home

My dad cracks me up.  There are a few businesses in the mall, especially in the food court area that are going out of business.  I guess they have a sign up about equipment they are giving away, some pay for and some for free.  There is a tm-t88iv printer and he wondered if I could use this at home, because I have had trouble with my wireless printer which I think I tackled and got fixed.  Only problem is, that particular printer is a receipt printer, and well I don’t think I have a use for it here at home, but thought it was cute he ask me.  He said they had several they were giving away, guessing they used with the registers when filling orders.  It was nice that he thought of us, but glad he called first and not just brought it home like all this other stuff I have piled up to go through!  I understand he gets things given to him but then I end up throwing it in the garbage!  Like a box of Pirates of the Caribbean Valentines with pencils.  I mean what am I suppose to do with them?  Someone at the mall gave to him.  I am going to take the pencils out and see if the neighbor across the street, if her son can use the pencils.  My pencil sharpener broke so they are of no use to us, but the Valentines I will have to toss.   Keyrings!  I have so many keyrings its not funny!  So when he isn’t looking I will have to go through this stuff and pitch it soon!

Oh dear, is it on its last leg?

Timing, it just seems to be everything doesn’t it?  I think the television in our bedroom is on its last leg!  Can’t complain really its pretty old, nothing big really just one that sits on hubby’s dresser but lately has been helping me fall asleep a little better.  I know they say you shouldn’t watch television when you go to bed, but honestly its the only time I watch it and it does help me fall asleep.  Problem?  The remotes won’t work.  I tried putting new batteries in, reprogramming two different remotes, like the one that we use with our Uverse box too, nope not catching the signal and sometimes the sound will go real loud and then all of sudden poof, no sound.  It’s not that I am lazy but sort of defeats my purpose watching it because by the time I get out of bed, feet hit the cold floor and walk over shut it off, get back in bed, which is no longer warm again, well guess who is wide awake again?  I been looking at the prices of the Samsung televisions, we have an Emerson and well if we do get another one once we pay the IRS (hacking a hairball), I don’t to get another Emerson.  I know hubby he is going to want a LCD flat panel and maybe mount on wall and I don’t want to do that.  I like to move our room around which I am just about ready to do once Spring hits!  During Spring to Fall I move our bed and we sleep on an outside wall (window above us) but in winter time I move to the only inside wall we have, which has the main bathroom on the other side and lets just say my daughter and dad are not very quiet when they are in there, but the outside walls are just too cold for my head to sleep so that is why I move anyhow!  Plus I like change.  So I don’t want to mount on the wall.  I would be happy with an older style really!

When I really need him the most!

My hubby is down, like acting bummed at the moment.  When I really need him the most to be strong, to be the one I need to lean on, he is down and bummed.  I need him to be the anchor and rock for a change. At least for a while until I can get myself back to some what normal, if that is even possible.  I think he has arthritis in his hands, I think for any man (or woman) who labors (works) with their hands is going to possibly get some form of arthritis.  He messed up his one hand himself during his divorce times from his EX because she would not let him see his son or something (they had argument and it wasn’t final yet the divorce or maybe it was I can’t honestly remember for sure) and he punched the wall and messed up his hands (this was a few years before we met) and that is the hand that is bothering him.  He is saying things like I’m old, I am going to be 48 years old and already falling part, stuff like that.  I can’t keep being the one to keep boosting the morale around here  (did I spell that right?).   He was sitting there Saturday when I fell apart and heard the things I said.  I need him to not fall apart, not now!  Please God, not now!  Then he said did I want to take care of another old man with arthritis after taking care of my dad!  ARGH!  I always take care of  him, had him take some motrin to help with the pain, of course I will take care of him.  Never a doubt or second thought and I told him that and honestly I don’t feel I should have too tell him that!  I know he is tired, he works hard.  I do everything around the house, I cook the meals and I even serve him his dinner, meaning I dish it up and bring to him because I know his feet hurt, in spring, summer and fall he does the yard work, that is his thing.  I think he is just like most of us and ready for spring to be here so he can do more than just go to work and come home and sit in the house because it too cold to take walks, tinker in the garage or go for a bike ride!  I don’t even tell him everything going on with my daughter either.  He is on Facebook now and on his son’s and I think things he sees is bothering him too and nothing he can say or do about it.  Maybe that is part of it too.  He has worked a little more hours this year than last year and maybe his body isn’t use to that too since the hours cut but its a blessing since we are paying to pay the IRS this year.   I hope he and I can get away for a weekend soon!

Long weekend and checked with the nurse

This weekend was just a long, long weekend.  Saturday I had words with my daughter that lead to me screaming and feeling as if I was going to explode.  I told her to get out, go find out what the world is like out there and who is going to be there and do for her what I have or my husband has done.  I was just telling a friend I think I should write a book!  Add that to the mix of what is on my plate with my father, it makes for a rough weekend.  I have been taking a 1/2 of a xanax during the day since Saturday because if I don’t then I can’t eat nothing, not even a cracker!  Nerves are shot for sure.

I just got off the phone with the nurse over at the RA doctors office.  Yes dad has osteoarthritis but also osteoporosis and she said you do not want your father to fall its pretty advanced she said.  She said we think the best treatment option for the osteoporosis is the once a year treatment via IV called Reclast.  He would have to go to the hospital to receive it and would take about twenty minutes.  She is sending to the insurance to see how much they will cover (prior authorization)…. so waiting to hear back to see if this is the path we will go.

They are concerned about his going to tractor pulls too, since he took a tumble and fell last year.  I told her that the doctor would have to be the one to discuss that with him, as he won’t listen to me, he will do what he wants anyhow.  She said if he took another tumble like that it would be the worst thing to happen for him.  Hey you don’t have to convince me here.  Don’t I know it!  I was a Corpsman in the Navy, I know!  Trust me I know.  I sometimes think that is why I had the training I had, to prepare me for the past ten years I have been taking care of my father, since they (Navy) lost my initial schooling (position) I signed up for in the first place.

But I have to start taking care of me.  How do I do that?  I have no clue,  honestly and shamefully I admit Susan has always spent her life taking care of others.  This is going to be new territory for me so baby steps and I will take care of me.  I am stepping back.  I am one person and everyone around me here at home is just going to have to deal with change, or they are going to end up being the ones checking with nurses and doctors regarding me!  I am not going to magically feel better the next day either.  I laid down for a little bit and  well you laid down and rested for an hour, yes for that day for an hour, that doesn’t fix all the emotional wear and tear I feel right now. Its a step!  Its not going to be by anyone in this house time frame either.  MINE.  Only I know my body, how I feel and I am going to try so very very hard to get me back to ME.

Missing: ME, I want ME back!  I want to do this without the doctors putting me on medication for depression!  I don’t want anymore medication, with all I take now, I don’t want anymore!

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